There’s no manual for love. Many of us were never taught how to navigate healthy romantic relationships, and society often presents a narrow, heteronormative blueprint for what love should look like. While progress is being made, the dominant narrative is still colored in black-and-white, offering little room for diversity in how love is experienced.

For generations, love has been marketed as the answer to feeling incomplete—as though true happiness lies in a traditional, heterosexual marriage, with 2.5 kids, and a house with a white picket fence. But for most of us, it doesn’t take long to see the cracks in that promise.

Queer love, in contrast, is an act of defiance. It declares, “I know it can be better than this,” and seeks something deeper and more authentic. We’ve outgrown the narrow box that romantic relationships have been placed in for far too long.

But queer love, like any love, doesn’t come without challenges. It’s not always smooth sailing, and I’d argue that no relationship truly is. When we allow ourselves to be deeply vulnerable with another, our old wounds—whether from family dynamics, past relationships, or societal pressures—often resurface. These tender moments of intimacy can trigger our self-protective instincts, highlighting our fears and insecurities.

Is couples therapy only for couples that always fight?

No! Are you in a relationship that you feel could be better? Better communication? Better sex? Better intimacy? Is it hard for you to bring up your feelings? Do you find that there are unsatisfying repeating patterns in your connection?

Couples therapy can be an amazing space to grow with your partner, and strengthen the bond that you already have. Finding a therapist before your relationship is crashing and burning may even make for more meaningful and productive sessions.

How do you approach couples therapy?

As a couples therapist, my priority is to create a safe space for everyone in the relationship. Each session is tailored to meet the unique needs of the moment, with an emphasis on uncovering and addressing the deeper wounds, tensions, and ruptures that may be present. The goal is to help couples recognize and express their emotions healthfully and productively while using conflict resolution to strengthen your deeper bond.